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Thriller, Action, Adventure, War, Sci-Fi
IMDB rating:
Peter Berg
Liam Neeson as Admiral Shane
Beau Brasseaux as Navy SEAL (as Beau Brasso)
John Bell as Angus
Leni Ito as Japanese News Anchor
John Tui as Beast
Gregory D. Gadson as Lieutenant Colonel Mick Canales
Joji Yoshida as Chief Engineer Hiroki
Rihanna as Raikes
Brooklyn Decker as Samantha
Peter MacNicol as Secretary of Defense
Tadanobu Asano as Nagata
Adam Godley as Dr. Nogrady
Taylor Kitsch as Alex Hopper
Alexander Skarsgård as Stone Hopper
Jerry Ferrara as Sampson JOOD Strodell
Joshua Pence as Chief Moore
Rico McClinton as Captain Browley
Storyline: Based on the classic Hasbro naval combat game, Battleship is the story of an international fleet of ships who come across an alien armada while on Naval war games exercise. An intense battle is fought on sea, land and air. What do the aliens want?
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DVD-rip 688x288 px 687 Mb mpeg4 731 Kbps avi Download
Haters Gonna Hate ...
Just watching Battleship again (3rd or 4th time). Still entertaining and great fun. It's what I classify as chewing gum for the eyes - pleasant viewing and not requiring too much brain activity. That doesn't mean it's not a good movie, just that it's light entertainment rather than brain-straining. This chewing gum does have a little Chili in it, though.

The story-line isn't taxing, but it's amusing and hangs together well enough. The characters are quite well defined - well, except for the aliens who are predictably badass with no redeeming qualities. Difficult to establish an emotional attachment to these ugly guys (girls?).

If you're looking for deep involvement ... this isn't it. That said, just read my strap-line below.

There's real life ... and then there's movies!
Avoid at all costs
2 Hours of my life waisted watching this, The acting was hammy, It was just pure crap, Taylor Kitsch must feel, the visual effects are done quite well, Liam Neeson can't even save the movie although I'm sure he is walking away with a cheeky grin and a few million for his appearance in this car crash, the casting of Rihanna was a mistake (well we all knew that from the get-go) The so called 'humour' scenes were unbelievably cringey and you just could not help but shake your head while witnessing it. and especially the addition of the 'cool' f**k yeah this is America soundtrack, Creedence at the end and AC/DC in there too

I had a lot of sympathy for Taylor Kitsch especially since this was going to be a big year for him as Hollywood actor after John Carter bombed, but in this you can tell the guy is as wooden as a desk.

I'm ashamed of myself after seeing this movie and even more ashamed I didn't walk out.
formulaic but fun in spite Rihanna
This film is formulaic to the core, but it still manages to provide great fun.

If you're looking for thought-provoking material, avoid it. If you just wanna have fun, then go for it. In that sense, this film is a success in spite of horrific dialogues and Rihanna's Julliard performance. The love interest is stupid and unnecessary, but who's ever heard of this type of film without a love interest. I'm guessing the NY stock exchange would crash if there were no love interest. We, the audience, being stupid and all, need to be aware that the Hero is fighting not only for sheer survival but also for the hot blonde waiting on the island (who is also, in her own blond way, contributing to the humanity's fight for survival). God, just typing this makes me wanna puke.

On the other hand, I really liked each and every action scene. I know, it's packed with CGI but it's interesting, dynamic, and has a nice flow to it. Yeah, it's no Friday Night Lights, but after five days at the office, this is just the thing I needed to unwind. :) Btw, Rihanna... I don't know what she had to do to be made part of this film. I don't know if she slept with the director, or invested a fortune into the film, but giving her a talking role... that remains one of the greatest mysteries of the universe.
Why did I watch this Hollywood movie?
The characters: Mostly douches with bad lines.

The story: Aliens invade, their ships are clumsy and weird and jump on water. America (and to a lesser, lesser extent Japan saves the world). There are moments when you wish you could unsee the tacky ways they (the movie makers) try to make heroes and bad-asses of certain people. Most notably the old sailors on the USS Missouri which are posed (yes, really posed!) everywhere, high and low in an awkward way that just makes you wanna squirm and throw up a little bit.

The aliens: At first you think: "This alien race seems really noble." Second thought: "I hope the aliens win, I hate the characters in this movie so much!" Third thought: "Huh, so the aliens aren't noble, they're just stupid. And they seem a bit evil according to the unoriginal flashback John Carter got but... I'm still rooting for the aliens! Go aliens, exterminate this movie-verse!!"

The sum: Why did I watch this movie with awkward characters, unlikable at best. Silly plot with horribly pushed tie-ins to the battleship game. Plain dumb aliens. In-your-face product placement (Cola Zero, LG, Subway and probably some more). Why? I was really, really bored. And now I've lost faith in Hollywood movie making. It's not better then Transformers, It's just as bad.

If your over 10 years old: Don't watch this. If you 10 or younger: Don't watch this.

Hollywood needs to learn that they can't push this crap from the toilet to the big screen anymore!
The following is words of warning
I took a two week vacation from my job and in that time I visited the local Redbox and rented six films. The first five were in this order:

1.No Tell Motel 2.Dark Shadows 3.The Hunger Games 4.Elevator 5.The Haunting Of Whaley House

I watched every one all the way through with the best being The Hunger Games. Second best would be Dark Shadows, three would be Elevator then Whaley House then No Tell Motel.

None of these films have anything to do with Battleship. Although my experience while watching Battleship demanded me to reexamine my thoughts and views of the previous five films. No Tell Motel was a low budget cheap horror flick that was a mess from start to finish.....it was BETTER than Battleship. The Haunting Of Whaley House was along the scale of The Innkeepers; silly, cheesy, unintentionally funny with a few o.k. moments.....it was BETTER than Battleship. Elevator had no real pay off at all.....it was BETTER than Battleship. The other two, Dark Shadows and The Hunger Games, goes without saying.

This movie, Battleship, WOW! GOD ALMIGHTY! Half way through I got up off my couch, paused the DVD and walked out of the room to give my ears, my eyes, my brain and my stomach a break from the Earth shattering hell that I just put them through. I honestly was considering ejecting the disc and taking it back to Redbox without watching the rest. This review is truly a warning to anyone who is thinking of seeing it...proceed with extreme caution!

This one is gonna hurt. If Hollywood continues to make films this bad then they're gonna make audiences everywhere turn against films completely. They're gonna start losing a lot of money. It's the ticket sales by movie fans that keep their wallets fat. This is a perfect example of bad business practice.

Again, to the curious moviegoer, this is a word of warning, it wasn't that it was just bad and it's not that I'm a negative person because I'm not. The film actually made me angry.

I gave it one star, it doesn't deserve any.
Comedy of the year
I went to see this movie at a late night screening on Saturday with a buddy. Unfortunately, the movie was being shown in a theater with comfortable lounge seats, so we had to pay extra. We both more or less knew what we were in for: A Transformers spin-off with great looking but mediocre actors, plot holes in abundance and the usual cheesy and temporarily corny American patriotism. But we thought: What the heck, if the action is spectacular, we might be able to forget about all that.

Ten minutes into the movie, we realized that we wouldn't. Taylor Kitsch playing Alex Hopper is so over the top the protagonist that has character flaws at the beginning and turns out to be the good, noble soldier at the end, that it hurts. The whole movie smells of NAVY propaganda from the start, with the proud but honestly strange looking veterans, the blatant display of battleships, clean white uniforms and blonde babes that fall for all that.

When the Taylor Kitsch character turns from former felon to highly respected naval officer, we knew we had to do something. In tacit agreement, we changed our perspective and started to think of this movie as a comedy and not an action movie. And, quite frankly, that did the trick for us.

We laughed, chuckled, giggled and kept rolling our eyes for the rest of the film. We laughed at the fact that technologically developed aliens could be annihilated by simply dazzling them with sunlight (if only they had worn better shades, strange that RAY BAN missed out on such a great product placement opportunity). We laughed when we saw Peter MacNicol (as Secretary of Defense) asking stupid questions about the nature of the attack so that the dumb viewers get what 's going on. We chuckled when we learned that the USS Missouri, a museum battleship, is still equipped with all its explosive weaponry. We giggled when the veterans came out of nowhere to go on their last mission (as if they had been living and waiting on the USS Missouri for 50 years) and we had to roll our eyes when Liam Neeson, whom I admired in Schindler's List and found great in Taken, lowered himself by acting out some dreadful scenes in a horribly flaccid film.

We left the movie theater laughing and waited to see if the movie goers who had obviously liked the film went to the cloakroom to pick up not only their jackets but their brains, too.

Bottom line: If you want to enjoy this movie, think of it as a comedy.
Half by-the-book blockbuster, half hilarious armed forces love-in
Half of this film is what you'd expect from the title, lots of booms, bangs and aliens. It's moronic but OK if you can turn your brain off.

However, near the end it becomes hilariously bad with the introduction of a series of obvious non-actors who are only there so people who love the military can get all misty eyed and salute whatever flag while overusing the word 'hero'.

The scene where these characters are introduced standing at the various points on the ship is one of the worst I can remember in a main-stream blockbuster. Presumably we were supposed to be in awe but all I could think of was how they A) Got up there and B) How they'd get back down without breaking a hip.

Oh and while I know it's pointless questioning these things in such a film but it seemed to me that all the aliens really needed was a couple of those spinny ball things. Job done.
A completely mental, completely bombastic, completely stupid summer blockbuster
Turning a board game into a big-budget summer blockbuster was always going to be a stretch. But Hasbro the company behind the cinematic juggernaut Transformers series thought they had locked on to a winning formula for their adaptation of their best-selling board-game Battleship...namely ditch Michael Bay for the supremely talented Peter Berg, add aliens and throw shed-loads of money at the screen. And it almost works...

The plot such as it is sees Taylor Kitsch play the lovable aimless reluctant hero. Drafted into the Navy after a drunken stunt to impress a girl goes awry he soon rises up through the ranks as his natural ability overshadows his confrontational nature. Meanwhile scientists have discovered a new planet light-years away that might just contain intelligent life. Sending a message to this planet they are seemingly unaware of the potential consequences, that ET might answer and drop by. Back in Hawaii the Navy is gearing up for a massive military exercise when our new "friends" decide to pay a visit. What happens next is man v alien in a spectacular battle of technology and wits for the control of the planet...

So lets start with Kitsch. The poor boy never can quite get a script close to that of his breakout TV role in Friday Night Lights. He's a likable guy, who does his best with the material and can handle the action sequences with aplomb. He is however overawed by Alexander Skarsgard, who manages, in a significantly smaller role, to show why he's better equipped for leading man duties than his John Carter starring cohort. Liam Neeson gives another in his trademark gruff father figure performances. You never get the feeling that he's exerting himself, but that's okay. Rihanna casts aside her singer-cum-actress background and manages to give as good as she gets playing with the boys. Brooklyn Decker never equates to more than eye-candy and the rest of the actors are all given screen-time but no background.

As a feat of technical film-making Battleship is a tour-de-force. It's visually stunning with obvious state of the art effects and seamless CGI for the most part. The alien technology is beautifully rendered, although the aliens themselves leave a lot to be desired. Likewise the movie slows to a crawl during the misconstrued slow-mo weapon loading sequences, which serve to remove the audience from the action rather than immerse them in the spectacle. Aurally the film is amazing, way to loud, but the sound design itself is full of merit. The soundtrack works well in places, less so in others. The liberally used rock classics that magnify the action are well timed, as is the wonderful interjection of the Pink Panther theme. Sadly it all comes apart when we get to the script. The story is woeful, with under developed characters serving only to spout unnecessary exposition and act as the most needless array of clichés seen in many a year. Even by the standards of sci-fi films based on board games this is ludicrous. Berg has a good eye for action but even he can't help but channel his inner Michael Bay when it comes to blowing stuff up. Given a couple more months to develop the script, a good edit job and 40 less decibels and we'd have a real contender on our hands here.

As it stands Battleship is a completely mental, completely bombastic, completely stupid summer blockbuster. A missed opportunity perhaps but maybe just what the doctor ordered if you like your movies loud, crass and Americatastic.
Fun Movie
While I will agree it was not a dramatic masterpiece, it was a very fun movie to go see. This was made to be an alien attack action movie...and it was exactly that. It had all the effects, explosions and actions expected from it and I came away knowing that I had fun seeing it. Unlike others I didn't see the effects as a transformers copy, there were some similarities, but nothing beyond the fact that certain shapes are going to be that shape no matter how you do it. I thought the aliens were done well and the battle scenes supported the story being told. If I have any issue it is that there were a few unrealistic uses of mothballed military equipment that would not be possible, but I can suspend reality on occasion for good action.
Better than Transformers and inspirational to boot
I expected "Battleship" to be unwatchable. Especially when padded with commercials to 3 hours by FX. But all throughout the movie, I kept thinking to myself "Why am I enjoying this so much more than any of the Transformers movies?" The answer is "In Battleship, I didn't know how they were going to get out of the next situation, and I kind of cared, and I wanted to find out." It's that simple.

Yes, the dialog is insanely clichéd and the acting is pretty wooden and there isn't much character development. But there's just enough to keep it compelling, which can't be said for anything from the unholy alliance between Michael Bay and Hasbro. And "Battleship" even has a few clever and funny one-liners amidst all the mayhem.

If it really bothers you that this movie portrays U.S. Navy (and Japanese navy!) sailors as heroes able to adapt and prevail against overwhelming odds, then there's really nothing more to be said to you - except maybe "Don't watch it on FX then, because they are actually airing commercials for the U.S. Navy during the presentation". Oh and, um, it's a science fiction movie based on a board game called "Battleship", did you expect the good guys to be from Amnesty International?

I don't really want to list any spoilers but I also don't want to be blacklisted over "Battleship" so I checked the box anyway. I'll just list a few of the funnier/stranger plot items and then we'll move on to the career-damage check.

I loved the scene where the U.S. Navy losing a pick-up soccer game to the Japanese navy was played out with all the drama of the attack on Pearl Harbor. Classic. And yeah, I know it was for the RIMPAC Cup, but still.

I hope everybody noticed that the alien projectiles are shaped similarly to the pegs in the classic game of "Battleship". Unfortunately, the aliens never learned to take turns - they fire at B4, C7 and D5 at the same time. On the other hand, it is quite noteworthy (and has been noted by others) that the aliens go to great pains to distinguish threats (conveniently highlighted red) from non-threats (conveniently highlighted green). That's also kind of their undoing - could that be the message of this movie, that it's better to shoot first and ask questions later?!? OK, I can see how that might bother some people. Then again, the aliens did shoot first unless you count Taylor Kitsch touching their spaceship as an attack... Kudos to the scriptwriters for the intricate layers of moral ambiguity!

I'm still wondering why, when all of the alien technology was directed at the military, transportation, and urban infrastructure of Hawaii, a bunch of policemen in Jeeps were so focused on getting a couple of hikers off of an isolated mountain. At least they were kind enough to abandon 1/3 of their off-road vehicles at a time when all roads to the mountain had been destroyed.

(Minor spoiler alert 1) The only thing that really disappointed me in this movie was the post-credits bonus scene. I was hoping it would be a teaser for an upcoming movie based on Gnip Gnop.

Career Damage Check:

1. Rihanna - She's still a mega-talented, mega-successful recording artist, and she's been friends with the monster and Eminem since this movie was released, so she'll be fine.

2. Liam Neeson - He spent most of the movie on the outside of an alien force dome, which shielded not only his character but also his career. And during the viewing on FX I saw a commercial for his new, Taken-like, ass-kicking movie, so he'll be fine.

3. Jesse Plemons - Although forced to team up again with his Dillon High School buddy (and box-office albatross) Taylor Kitsch, he will be remembered much more for his role as "Meth Damon" on Breaking Bad, proving that the man has talent and range. So, he'll be fine.

4. Brooklyn Decker - She's fine.

5. Taylor Kitsch - Although this dude will forever be associated with two of the biggest box-office bombs in cinema history, he's quite handsome and ripped, so I imagine he does alright with the ladies, so I'm sure he'll be fine. Besides, since I liked "Battleship" much more than I expected to, I really can't hold this one against him. And since I could never make it more than 20 minutes into "John Carter", despite multiple attempts, I'd say I wasted less time on his duds than on lots of other actors'.

6. Peter MacNicol - I don't remember the last time I saw anyone from "Ally McBeal" on my TV screen, so relatively speaking I guess he's doing better than expected.

Finally, (minor spoiler alert 2), if you did not get at least a little teary-eyed during the scene where all the old-timers stepped up to save the day, then you might be un-American. And yes, there's nothing wrong with being un-American, unless you happen to be a U.S. citizen.
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